Yeah... I am... I figured a few things out though...

First, it takes me way too long to open up. I guess that's just from having a lot of shitty relationships. I thought I was in the right, taking my time. But that killed it all. Maybe next time will be different, maybe not. Kinda funny, the idea of death, guns, etc don't scare me, but the idea of love does. I should reflect on that.

Second, is it just me or did anyone else notice relationships with a lot of fighting seem to last longer. Like my parents, or Micky and Sam, Amber and Jared, so on and so fourth. They fight all the time but they stay together. Yet a relationship with no fighting just comes to a stop. Wierd how that works out.

Third, i'm an idiot. I spent all my time wallowing in self pity and hatred, burning and scarring my body when I should have been trying to fix everything. Interesting how little things like that turn out to be bigger than expected from the beginning. Oh well, I learn from mistakes I guess.

Fourth, i'm not the only one. Everyone has fucked up shit in their life. Some worse than others, I should have learned to deal with it. I'm not going to fear anything anymore.

I'm sorry Kira. At least I got what I always wanted, you're happy now. I hope you enjoy your life, and Laz treats you well. If he doesn't i'll stab him in the jaw with a rusty spork. ^_^

I wish I didn't fuck up my life so much. But I do still have a good portion of it left, maybe sometime soon something will click, and i'll change. But I hope it's for the better.